you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
