I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
