she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize