love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
