I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize