why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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