So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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