The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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