i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
