I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
