I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
