I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
