Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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