i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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