I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
