The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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