I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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