Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
