Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(647): View more from Ontario

hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.

Fav 4 1067 2429
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(850): View more from Florida

Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?

(850): View more from Florida

I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife

Fav 86 39700 2413
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(502): View more from Kentucky

Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.

Fav 30 1500 4291
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(914): View more from New York

Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.

Fav 20 3127 1119
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(936): View more from Texas

The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.

Fav 7 1292 779
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(503): View more from Oregon

When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.

Fav 2 973 531
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(319): View more from Iowa

I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.

Fav 7 1392 502
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(551): View more from New Jersey

I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm

Fav 1 65 19
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(404): View more from Georgia

My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...

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