So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
