You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
