that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
