Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
