Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
