At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
