Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
