Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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