that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
