Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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