Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
