had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
