Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
