You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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