why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
