One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
