All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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