his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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