It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
