I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
