I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
