your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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