where does the pee come out of this thing
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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