well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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