can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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