I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Randomize
