I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
