we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
