i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
