Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize