He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
