The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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