happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I want a musical about memes.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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