I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
