wat bout pragnant strippers??
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
