You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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