If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
