Who wears a wallet chain?!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize