Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
