whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
When are your genitals available?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
