all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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