my vag is so smooth its legendary
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
did i walk over a car last night?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
