I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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