I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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