Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
it's like iHOP with fire
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
