That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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