I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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