You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
