I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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