I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
