I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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