Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
