my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
