one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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