Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
