I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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