i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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