She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize